| Ansari
Brothers Productions The funniest Indian brother comedic duo to come out of Bennettsville, SC EVER. |
|
Classic Pieces soon.. Links will come soon..
|
Sunday, November 17, 2002 The Youth of America Wants...to Learn???? So, I was at Walmart the other day picking up some grocerys when I walked by the toy section. I thought back to the days of browsing for my favorite action figures and video games. I decided to glance over and see what the kids are into these days. I look over and I see this little boy asking his mom for a Dora the Explora toy. For those of you who don't know, Dora the Explora is a TV show for kids about a little Spanish girl who teaches kids Spanish. Not only is this the dumbest television show I've ever heard, of but is anyone else disturbed that this kid likes this shit show enough to buy an action figure of the girl that teaches Spanish??!? When I was young educational TV was like satan's spawn. When I watched a children's tv show expecting violence, humor, and good times, and then found out it was merely a trick to try to get me to learn, I'd feel like I'd been defrauded. Personally, I'd be a little worried if my kid was asking for an action figure from this shit show. What has the world come to when KIDS WANT TO LEARN?? Especially from this fool Dora?? When I was little, I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. That taught me something - EAT PIZZA AND KICK ASS!! What has the world come to? American kids yearn to learn? Noooooo! posted by Anonymous on 7:28 PM Thursday, November 14, 2002 Diary - The Day the White Boy Dreads from Aspiring Hipster Found this diary from some white boy. Interesting entries. Here's some entries from April 2000. February 15, 2000 The Epiphany I've Been Waiting For! So today I decided to get dreadlocks. I really feel like it could help me image. When girls see a guy with dreads, they know what he's about. They know he's cool. They know he's not afriad to be himself. That's what I need. Its style, its individuality, its awesome. Starting TODAY, I'm growing my hair out and soon I will have the coolest dreads to ever live on a white boy's head. I'll grow my hair out and call the Dreadlocks place in a few months to work out the details. This is gonna be great! April 12, 2000 The Day of Reckoning is Coming Soon! Measured my hair today. 3.45 inches. Yes! Pretty soon I can get dreads. I called Dreadlocks, Inc and they said I'll be ready in a few weeks. April 29, 2000 The Day of Reckoning Sucked. Today I went to Dreadlocks, Inc. I had called beforehand and let them know the length of my hair and they said I was ready. I went all the way to Queens for this. I walk in and told them who I was and what I wanted. They gave me their book of pictures, and ALL the white people with dreads looked like shit. I was shocked. I let my hair grow out for 4 months for nothing. For nothing! No, I can't do this, I have to stick with my plan. I can't let this minor setback hold me back from my dream. April 30, 2000 So I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow. Mom said she's not paying $200 to let me look like a dirty hippy. I thought by now I would have nice, tight dreads swaying in the air of nature in the woods somewhere. I suppose it wasn't meant to be... I also found a journal for a former employee of Dreadlocks, Inc. April 29, 2000 I was in da back office, when outta da blue I hear Byron yelling, "Everybody, white boy here wants some dreadlocks!" I couldn't believe it; some crazy white boy came in here asking to get dreadlocks. We had dem ask before, but we never tot won of dem would be dumb enough to come down all da way to Queens for us to laugh at his dumb ass. Who da hell does he tink we are? I must admit, I almost lost me lunch when I saw dat dere scarggly white boy come in here wit dat nappy hair and tye dye t-shirt. Byron almost slapt da boy just for walking in. posted by aziz on 11:07 PM IM Mayhem - Speaking of the Basketball IM antics will be a regular here on the site. Here's a classic quickie I remember. Might not be funny anymore, but I think so. aansari83: hey aw00d, so i'm assuming your nets just finished off celtics big time right? aansari83: i saw em with like a 30 pt lead, you musta been proud A W00D: yo, u didn't hear? the celts came back and won aansari83: i know, i saw it, hahahahhahaa A W00D: fuck you Tell me that's not money... posted by aziz on 10:27 PM M&M's, Basketball, and Charity In New York City, one thing you will never run out of is people to turn down your requests for food, money, or charity. I generally try to drop coins, when I have some quarters in my pocket. I also try to support any causes that seem worthy. Once every few weeks, I'm usually approached by a few kids who want to sell me a pack of M&M's candies. Although it may seem that these young capitalists are out to pocket some quick cash, they are actually raising money for their basketball team. I think this is a good cause and I also am quite the fan of a quick pack of Peanut M&M's. The goodness in that yellow bag makes the troubles of the day disappear. Today, something rather odd happened. I was approached by an individual, so desperate, so distraught, and so lacking in hope in his team; that his despair was contagious. It was Knicks forward Clarence Weatherspoon. This was the third time this week that a New York Knick had approached me to help heal the broken hearted Knickerbockers. I told Clarence that yesterday I had bought three Snickers bars from fellow Knick Shandon Anderson on the corner of 5th and 18th, after hearing about the Knicks humiliating overtime loss to the New Orleans Hornets. Clarence showed no signs of cheering up. "If I just sell this box, we might be able to get Charlie Ward out off the injured list a few days sooner. Please Mister, I just wanna go to the playoffs." School children nearby heartlessly giggled at the comment, bringing tears to the eyes of the defenseless Weatherspoon. "Playoffs, your Yahoo! Fantasy Team won't make it to the playoffs," they quipped. Clarence went on to explain how his profits recently went down after promising Sacramento Kings superstar Chris Webber a lifetime supply of plain M&M's in return for the win against Sacramento last week. "It's all we had to bargain with, it was either the M&M's or go 0-5, I think any reasonable person would have made the same choice," said Weatherspoon. I asked if anything was at all was going well for the Knicks. Clarence responded, "Well, we put some of Allen Houston's Nike's on eBay. He's our biggest superstar I guess. Its sad, cause my tape of 6 Sanford and Son episodes from channel 4 have gotten more bids than those damn Nike's." posted by aziz on 10:18 PM Discussion Group Antics CONTINUE! Read two posts below this to get briefed on the situation. Now another genius has thrown her hat in the ring of this discussion thread prank war with me and Matt Simonds, my roommate. Read this gem... Subject: Re:Anybody Wanna be my Study Buddy? Author: Anna Pakman Date Posted: Nov-14-02 at 1:51 PM by Anna Pakman I think it was a joke, that's not his photo but someone else's. I don't know who Anna is, but she is not your average cookie. I'm assuming she knows who the person in the picture, who is Ronald Tarantino. Oh boy, this keeps getting better and better. posted by aziz on 7:20 PM Aniz should post something pretty funny soon. posted by aziz on 2:42 PM A Ray of Hope Shines on My Day So, i'm riding on the 4,5 train at the Union Square stop. The subway car is mildly crowded with the characteristic silence and unfriendliness of New York life dominating the air. All of the sudden, something else hits the air. A strange odor. A scent. It's smoke. I sniff. It's not cigarette smoke. Sniff two. No, Its not weed either. A very cautious third sniff... Oh my, is this what crack smells like? Yes, a guy is smoking crack ON THE SUBWAY. Soon, everyone in the car has picked up on the scent and has united as one to stare at this gentleman and his 3 pals. Our cracktoting commuter surveys the scene and makes a decision. He looks at everyone in the subway car and addresses the crowd. He says, "Hey if anybody needs any rock, you just let me know." Folks let me just say, I was shocked. Honestly, what a nice guy! I know kids at NYU that are stingy with cigarettes, and this guy is giving away crack!! The day when a crackhead shows more courtesy in 5 minutes than most of my acquaintances show in a week, is the day I start rethinking how I choose friends. I don't know much about the ol' crack rock, but I assume its something most people don't feel too keen on sharing with others. The kindness I saw on this subway car gives me hope. Thanks Pookie for brightening my day a little bit with your kind gesture. posted by aziz on 1:44 PM Discussion Group Antics at NYU 1) Aziz breaks into on Matt's Prometheus account.... Subject: Anybody Wanna be my Study Buddy? Author: Matthew Simonds Date Posted: Nov-10-02 at 8:23 PM by Matthew Simonds Hi everyone! I'm Matt Simonds. If anyone is in this class is also taking GBE, Entertainment Marketing, or Human Physiology, I'm always on the hunt for a good study buddy! (Minimum GPA required for Study Buddy status is a 3.5!) Matt 2) Matt gets Aziz back... Subject: Re:Anybody Wanna be my Study Buddy? Author: Aziz Ansari Date Posted: Nov-10-02 at 11:03 PM by Aziz Ansari Attachment(s): ronmini.jpg Hi Matt! This Aziz Ansari. I'm a Pisces. I have a 3.476 will that work? I too am lookin for a study buddy, boy this year sure has stickler! With my internship at PWC and all. Anyway, I attached my photo. I sure would like to study sometime. Thanks, Aziz 3) Oh my.. Subject: Re:Anybody Wanna be my Study Buddy? Author: Juliana Svercl Date Posted: Nov-13-02 at 12:52 PM by Juliana Svercl what is this, match.com??? your sign? your photo? did i miss something here?!!! Yes, Julia you missed something, quite a lot actually, especially the fact that no one with a 3.467(!) could get an internship at PWC! Geez, the gullibility of some kids. posted by aziz on 1:32 PM Kulans, Inc.... posted by aziz on 12:10 AM Wooooo! posted by aziz on 12:09 AM The last test post?? Sleep... posted by aziz on 12:03 AM Wednesday, November 13, 2002 The Ansari bros. will soon share there humor with the world!! posted by aziz on 11:57 PM I actually think it all works now! I may understand a smidgen more about HTML! Wooo!!!! posted by aziz on 11:49 PM Soon, maybe.... posted by aziz on 11:35 PM woooo! now if it posts, my work is done for the day! posted by aziz on 11:27 PM Aniz Ansari is joining the team! posted by aziz on 10:56 PM Work, please work. posted by aziz on 10:54 PM If you look at the time differentials, it lets you know how lazy I am about getting this thing going. posted by aziz on 10:48 PM Sunday, November 03, 2002 I must post to publish and check stuff. posted by aziz on 7:49 PM First I will get a good design going. posted by aziz on 7:47 PM I need to do something to establish a web presence. Soon the hurdle of laziness will be crossed. posted by aziz on 7:43 PM
|